Childhood Anxiety: How It Can Develop & How Language Can Help

ONE FAMILY’S TALE OF THE ROAD TO AND AWAY FROM CHILDHOOD ANXIETY

Little Johnny Justice hunting for flowers

Back in 2011 the first of many (larger -than-normal) shockwaves hit my little family. I could never have envisioned the litany of changes we would experience in a relatively short amount of time.

For all intents and purposes, my wife and I were done having children. We had a boy and a girl and had just got out of the baby/toddler phase with our youngest. No longer did we have to worry about diapers and sleepless nights and all the other added stresses that go along with raising young children. We were in the clear and mere dozen years away from an empty nest ;)

In November of that year, my wife Karen and I went to San Diego to run a booth for our app company at the annual convention for speech-language pathologists. I will never forget the scene that occurred on our return home. As we sat in the airport, I noticed Karen gazing endearingly at a little girl playing and using her imagination in the waiting area. She began to tear up as she was reminded of our (now 25 yr-old) daughter when she was little. Before long, the “tearing up” went to a full-on sob. As much as I understood the sentiment, I found myself thinking, “Hm…this is more emotional than usual for Karen.” It was at this moment, it hit me. It was as clear as any realization I’ve ever had in my life…Karen was pregnant!

Upon getting back home, we picked up a pregnancy test on the way back from the airport and my realization was confirmed. It was a shock for which nobody was prepared. Karen had just turned 38 and had long suffered from Fibromyalgia (a mysterious disease that results in chronic pain and fatigue), so starting this baby business all over again was going to be a challenge to say the least. We were startled, scared, excited…did I mention scared? But little did we know how this little baby’s existence would pave a path of safety for us that we never could have imagined. Because the next few shockwaves were just around the corner.

It wasn’t long into Karen’s pregnancy that she started experiencing complications. Upon experiencing uncontrollable itching and other issues early on in the pregnancy, Karen started to worry. At the time we were living in a small town in southern New Mexico that didn’t exactly have top-notch health care. As many do when experiencing health issues, Karen consulted Dr. Google. She was pretty certain that she had something called cholestasis of pregnancy. Upon telling her physician about this, she was told that this was highly unlikely and that it would be too early to be experiencing such symptoms anyway. But let’s remember, my wife’s name is KAREN - she wasn’t going to be sloughed off. She insisted on being tested and…she was right.

If not properly managed, cholestasis of pregnancy can result in a baby being stillborn. To avoid the baby being essentially poisoned, labor is induced as soon as the baby is full-term at 37 weeks. On top of her considerable discomfort, we were now faced with the prospect of significant risk to the baby and being in a small town that didn’t exactly give us the highest level of confidence in its ability to guide us safely through this time. Needless to say our anxieties increased. Meanwhile, the baby continued to grow.

After much deliberation and consultation with family, we decided that we needed to be in our hometown of Albuquerque for the birth where the level of health care was better. Stakes were too high to take chances. We decided to rent a house in Albuquerque and put our home up for sale. I rented a house unseen (other than photos) and put things in motion.

With just a few weeks to go until the scheduled birth, it was “go time.” I sent the wife and kids to Albuquerque while I packed up one truckload of essentials to hold us over. I personally packed a weekend’s worth of clothes because I intended on heading back after the weekend to do some more packing. Little did I know, I would never see our home and everything left in it ever again. The next shockwave was about to come like a lightning bolt. Literally.

A forest fire erupted due to a lightning storm near our house (see this crazy footage). To make a long story short, it burned our house to the ground along with hundreds of others in the area. It was devastating. At the time our (then 17 yr-old) daughter stayed behind to work while we moved things to Albuquerque. Before the fire made its way to our house she called us in fear, “I can hear the fire!” she told us. Like a little hero, she bravely followed her very pregnant mother’s directions as she grabbed our pets and the few precious keepsakes she could find. She made it out safely and eventually joined us in Albuquerque. One can just imagine the fear and panic and anxiety Karen was experiencing during this already unsure time. Meanwhile, the baby continued to grow.

Karen 8 months pregnant after the fire (notice the empty closets)

A few short weeks later, just 7 minutes after the stroke of midnight on July 4th, our little firecracker was here. We named him Johnny Justice Walker. We never could have known at the time but it was his existence and all the circumstances surrounding the complications of the pregnancy that lead to us actually having a nice and safe little place to live during this time. Had it not been for us having to rent a place and move, we would literally have been homeless. A true blessing wrapped up in the chaos.

First day home with dad after the hospital.

I write of all these shockwaves for a reason. As is probably clear, there was a considerable amount of stress for my wife and our entire household during this time. Plenty of research exists that tells us that prolonged stress during pregnancy can have effects on the baby. In fact, there is even emerging evidence that trauma experienced by a parent can affect the DNA of a child (referred to as transgenerational trauma).

Through no fault of his OR his mother’s, we are living proof of that stress during pregnancy can affect children. Little Johnny Justice struggles with daily anxiety that shows up increasingly (and in different ways) as he gets older. We are consistently facing the ever-changing effects of his anxiety. Some days just getting out the door to school in the morning is a truly rough experience for him )and a heartbreaking one for us). We even experienced a time period where he would visit the nurses office at school multiple times a day over concerns he had about “his asthma.” Even though we as his parents know things will be ok for him, his body tells him otherwise. Let’s just say that this time of quarantine has been quite welcomed by him!

When asked about why he is nervous, the reason is usually “I don’t know.” As a parent you want to be able to explain things away so badly, but during times of high anxiety words do very little to relieve the situation. I have to tell you, he’s such a trooper that it melts my heart. I’m always baffled at the courage children can muster in the face of big and unexplained fears. Just as words fail during periods of anxiety, they also fail to describe how much I’m inspired by brave little kids. BUT…words do not always fail. In fact, words can be a huge part of the solution.

It just so happens that I’m a speech-language pathologist (SLP), so the vast abilities of language never escape me. In fact, I’m constantly learning of how useful it can be in so many other areas of human development. Recently I learned that something I’ve used as a language pathologist over the years to provide meaningful ways of teaching and retaining language, is also a phenomenal way of helping children with anxiety. It all has to do with getting familiar with your 5 senses and building up the language necessary to name senses and feelings.

Most nights as we are doing the tuck-in routine, I started asking him to identify and name different sensations using each of his 5 senses. My aim was to get him wrapped up in the present moment rather than the fears of what might be. After having a discussion with his counselor about this, it just so happens that this is a common technique used by therapists to help children deal with their fears. I’m certain that this has been useful for Johnny since nighttime has become much less of an ordeal and he regularly asks me to discuss this with him at night. It’s been so useful in fact that I made a little training on how to make 5 senses a better part of a child’s life and I also made a podcast about it.

I’m telling my story here because Johnny is not alone. Nowhere near alone. In fact, childhood mental disorders such as anxiety and depression have seen a swift increase over the years. Anecdotally, we have seen a noticeable change in behaviors related to anxiety at our clinic (and the data supports this observation). As a country we have seen over a 20% increase in diagnoses of anxiety and depression in teens since 2007. It’s now reported that nearly 1 in 3 teens will experience anxiety disorders.

Just a personal observation here, but 2007 is also the year we saw smart phones hit the scene. Not that my “gut” is a peer reviewed article, but my gut tells me that when we don’t embrace the things that make us most human, humanity can quickly go awry. Year by year children AND parents have drifted further into screens and into a “virtual humanity.” This is increasingly resulting in us stepping away from the most basic building blocks of our nature. Our visual senses are in hyperdrive, while our other senses aren’t being exercised near as much. Children are hearing far less face-to-face language, which is crucial to academic and emotional development. We are collectively getting out of our comfort zones here. And what happens when we aren’t comfortable? We get anxious!

During this time of uncertainty, I hope to be able to spread this effective tactic that we use. It’s not been a full-on cure, but it’s definitely been a helpful, organic, and fun medicine that has had positive benefits. As is clear by this moment in history, shockwaves will continue to come and go throughout life; however, if we are fully in touch with our most basic human senses and abilities (especially language), we will always have ways of coping well within us. We often feel that answers are complicated and expensive, but they can actually be simple and free. Just BE with your children and fall in love with the “little” things that make us most human. Then watch as humanity blooms as anxiety fades!